1/27/2016

     I am back after 17 days. It has definitely been something. When faced with immense stress the goals fell apart and I have been asking myself in the moment "What do you need to get through this?" My answer is almost always chocolate and baby/husband cuddles. I did get drinks with a friend once. I think I have gotten through the worst part of my first month which is a relief because I was at my breaking point so many times. This is going to be a short post and I am only going to touch on relevant things I have observed, not goals. I need some more time to get those back in force.

     Driving to work each day has been a lesson on human behavior. There are clearly four kinds of people on the highway. People headed somewhere, people headed somewhere in a hurry, people who drive slow in the left lane, and people who have lost their minds and have no common sense left due to an unknown drive to get to their location at any cost. The first kind of people principally comprise the middle and right lanes of traffic on I-35 north. These people only have one goal and that is to get to their destination safely. The second kind of people normally comprise the left lane. They are people who would like to drive over the speed limit because they are probably late or need to get to a location on a timetable. These people still obey the traffic laws and are courteous for the most part. The third kind of drivers plants themselves in the left lane and drives the speed limit or under the speed limit. They seem to be completely oblivious of the anger they are causing or are doing it intentionally to make others furious. These drivers put other people in danger because they make other drivers find alternative paths around them. The last kind of drivers are just nuts. On a regular morning I encounter each kind. I am on the road for about thirty minutes each morning in traffic and everyone is there. Sometimes I think to myself, "awesome I haven't seen the crazy yet," and then a person enters the highway on a right on-ramp going 85 in a 60 and decides they have to exit on the left of four lanes of traffic RIGHT NOW! It astonishes me.

     I was mindlessly driving the other day and a very large pick-up jumped in front of me and I almost hit it. I got really angry. It then jumped back into the lane it was in and as I passed him I found that I wasn't looking angrily at the person I was looking at the vehicle. I then looked up and saw the person driving the truck. In an instant I realized that I hadn't really been associating people with the cars on the highway. My mind thinks, there is a red car changing lanes, not, that is a person changing lanes. It was the weirdest realization. I wonder if I am the only one? I found when I am angry at another driver it is much easier to be horribly mean and hateful to the car because there is apparently a disassociation. Looking up and seeing a person in that truck was a crystallizing moment for me. Ever since that happened I have been trying to re-train my brain to look at the people in the other cars and not the car.

     The last two weeks I have been at odds with myself. I am needing to get the work training done ASAP. The options are 1. I could really complete the training and learn more about my job and how to do it, the perfectionist in me wants to do that, but 2. is an option to click through the training and receive the same course credit regardless of actually learning the material. The fact that I can not sell anything right now because the training is not done is tearing my up inside. I want to be informed but I also want to provide for my family. I found a middle ground that I can live with. I was able actually complete the most important courses and quickly forward through other ones. It is NOT perfect but I do have access to all the course material indefinitely. I will follow up on concepts I need more training on as they reveal themselves.

     I know this is a blog dedicated to positivity, goal setting, and accomplishments but I haven't been feeling very accomplished the last 17 days. I see this as an opportunity to remind my readers that EVERYONE has times when they are feeling down. All we can do as people is continue on a upward trajectory. I may have plateaued for a little while but if I figure in my new work knowledge my trajectory has not really changed. I am still moving forward but at times we move at a slower rate. So say it with me, "I believe in myself." You don't even have to say it out loud. "I am a great employee and they are lucky to have me." Let's try, "I am an asset to my company." I hope you feel inspired. By inspiring others I will be inspired.

     Happy hump day and my next post will be more constructive. Gotta get the kids to bed. Night.